I couldn't make this up.
I went to a Moby show last night, had a blast, great band. Who knew most of the “electronic” sounds in their music actually start with a chick yelling into a microphone? But I couldn't help but notice that Moby and his hot little keyboardist were sporting black tee-shirts emblazoned with the URL peta2.com.
Okay, I'll bite.
PETA, for the uninitiated, stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. PETA activists do pretty much all the stuff you would expect: break into cocktail parties and toss around bloody mink stoles and unappetizing photos, attack KFC diners with rubber chickens and buckets of fake blood, and theorize that taking things apart—animals, say—isn't a valid way of figuring out how they work.
Blah, blah. The litany of ignorance comprising PETA's anti-human manifesto is only barely obscured by that of the legions of slack-jawed celebrities and worshipful college students who flock dutifully to their cause. Young? Pissed off? Think going vegan might get you laid... um, more? Well, you're in luck, 'cause Grizz—you know, from Finch—thinks cows are cool too!
This kind of twaddle would be laughable if it weren't so damned pernicious. Now, for example, PETA is offering crib notes for high-school and college students on topics from Animal Communication to Zoos, all promising to spice up the lazy student's classroom presentation and all guaranteed to keep him well within party lines.
And—just in case quality is an issue for you—all premium bullshit.
So, on behalf of all of us here at The Dead Hand, I'm throwing down the gauntlet. A link to this post is going up on PETA's Animal Rights 101 message board, along with this challenge: pick one of PETA's 16 information-pack topics, trundle it over to The Dead Hand, and defend its content point-by-point. Bring references from peer-reviewed scientific journals, kids, 'cause we'll have them.
If more than 50% of the points in that package can stand the light of day, I will join PETA and personally donate $1,000 to the cause.
This is going to be interesting. Bring your hip waders.